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Pearly Gates: An Angels Blog
Pearly Gates: An Angels Blog
Pearly Gates: An Angels Blog

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Thursday, April 15, 2004

A Public Service Announcement

I'm sure I'm not the only one who is troubled by Mike Scioscia's propensity for exaggeration. I understand not tipping your hand on injuries, but this early in the season if there is a problem we should know about it. Already we have seen several examples of players being "day-to-day" for seemingly endless periods of time:

Ervin Santana- The Angel's top pitching prospect was hurt early in the spring, and despite Mike's insistence to the contrary, did not pitch again.

Garret Anderson- GA's return from shoulder tendinitis was "imminent" for about three weeks during the spring, raising fears that he might not be ready for opening day.

Brendan Donnelley- Donnelly was also expected to make a rather quick recovery from his broken nose (at least that's what Scioscia thought), yet he's started the year on the DL and there is no timetable for his return. Ok, this one isn't really Mike's fault (who knew you could lose half of your blood through your nose?), but if you don't know anything about the condition of an injury, just say you don't know anything. We all know what happens when you assume...

Bengie Molina- How many times was Bengie's return "tomorrow?" Purgatory Online places most of the blame on the LA Times, but they were getting injury updates from someone...

Troy Glaus- Troy was removed from a game in Texas after "tweeking" his hamstring. Mike stressed that it was "just a precaution" because they didn't want his playing on a slick field. Hey Mike- I know Fritz sucks, but I'm pretty sure it hasn't rained in Anaheim for quite awhile.

Vladimir Guererro- Guererro's hurt- we can all see it. He's been held back the last couple of days and used exclusively as a DH, but if this is a serious injury he shouldn't be playing at all.

Because of Mike's inability to provide fans with real information on injuries, I have devised a public warning system, much like that of the Homeland Security Department. Simply follow these suggestions on how to best protect yourself at each level, and you too can avoid being burned:







Totally Fucked-

Alfredo Amezaga and Chone Figgins are playing everyday. Nuff' said. To protect yourself: Place your head between your legs, and kiss the playoffs goodbye.

High-

Players such as Troy Glaus, Vladimir Guererro, Garret Anderson, or Bartolo Colon are shut down for the season and the word "surgery" is a commonly heard around the stadium. Shane halter plays all nine positions, and it's not just a gimmick. To protect yourself: Hope Arte opens the checkbook for replacements at the deadline. Otherwise see above.

Elevated-

Multiple superstars have been placed on the DL, and the diagnosis is gloomy. You start seeing names like Riggs, Amezaga, and Bootcheck. To protect yourself: TLC, lots of TLC. Wait outside the player's parking lot and offer each passing player a deep-tissue massage ("happy ending" optional).

Guarded-

Stars are missing occasional games here-and-there due to chronic or nagging injuries, and are listed as day-to-day for the 10th straight game. Role players are falling like Star Trek extras. To protect yourself: Just wait it out. For positive reinforcement listen to Mike Scioscia's daily injury updates.

Low-

The lineup and rotation remains intact and the Angels win 20 straight. You haven't seen Jeff DaVannon in weeks, and you assume he must have been traded to Tampa Bay. Troy Glaus stubs his toe on the way to his championship ring fitting. To protect yourself: Join the party- we won the series!